I have not written in a while- for two reason, I believe. One- I have no time. Two- I have not had a lot of positive things to say. I try very hard to portray myself as optimistic on here because I do not want to shed negative light on my school in any way and because I know I am very blessed to be here.
I do not want to come across as ungrateful brat. I am so thankful to be here, and I know God led me here. But I have never felt more defeated and incapable than I do in medical school. I cannot pass a quiz regardless of how much I study. I don't know how to make this information stay in my brain. I don't know that I have ever felt more discouraged in my education. I realize that this is medical school and I should have expected this. That does absolutely nothing for how hopeless I feel some days. I have no idea what to do differently.
At church today we had an incredible sermon on submitting your emotions to what Jesus days about us. It is so difficult to hear what Jesus says about med school when you are failing everything. In the meantime, what am I to do with these emotions? Submission seems like a spiritual version of ignoring emotions, and that doesn't usually end well.
I apologize for the negativity. I need prayer. for perseverence. for energy. for focus. for memory. for guidance in studying.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
13 Hours
We had our first exam today. Wow. I have concluded that I must redefine what "feeling good about a test" means. I love the material we are learning, but it as a lot. I heard that as a uniform consensus among med students before I started med school. They knew what they were talking about :)
Our tests are completely on the computer. That will take some getting used to. All of our questions are Board style questions. Every question we will ever see in our tests and quizzes will be Board-style. This also requires adjustment from us. However, I am very thankful that our school is striving to prepare us for the tests we will see years from now. So with all that said, these tests are different from anything I have ever taken, but I know this is a necessary adjustment. Better now than too late.
So yesterday I spent 13 hours in a lecture room at school- studying- hard. This is the road I have chosen :) It's not that bad. It just makes me tired. Now I am laying in bed listening to the presidential debate. I am getting caught up on TV shows. Going out with the girls to get chocolate fondue tonight. It's going to be good.
Tomorrow I have a 12hour EMT shift. 6:30am-6:30pm. Let me tell you, adjusting from studying and test taking to providing acute health care is not easy. But again, my medical school is awesome and they are requiring that of us. We will figure it out. It keeps us human, you know? Tomorrow I may be holding someone's hand, doing chest compressions, or taking a BP. Who knows. But that's why I'm here- to learn how to take care of people wherever they are.
Well it's movie time. That's all for now :)
Our tests are completely on the computer. That will take some getting used to. All of our questions are Board style questions. Every question we will ever see in our tests and quizzes will be Board-style. This also requires adjustment from us. However, I am very thankful that our school is striving to prepare us for the tests we will see years from now. So with all that said, these tests are different from anything I have ever taken, but I know this is a necessary adjustment. Better now than too late.
So yesterday I spent 13 hours in a lecture room at school- studying- hard. This is the road I have chosen :) It's not that bad. It just makes me tired. Now I am laying in bed listening to the presidential debate. I am getting caught up on TV shows. Going out with the girls to get chocolate fondue tonight. It's going to be good.
Tomorrow I have a 12hour EMT shift. 6:30am-6:30pm. Let me tell you, adjusting from studying and test taking to providing acute health care is not easy. But again, my medical school is awesome and they are requiring that of us. We will figure it out. It keeps us human, you know? Tomorrow I may be holding someone's hand, doing chest compressions, or taking a BP. Who knows. But that's why I'm here- to learn how to take care of people wherever they are.
Well it's movie time. That's all for now :)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday Roller Coasters
If you ever wonder what day you should pray for me most on, it's Wednesday. WEDNESDAY, people. It is long and filled with sitting and listening and being confused. And it was biochemistry today. I was a very angry elf by the end of classes today.
Then I went to the gym and ran on the elliptical while watching House Hunters. Day improved. I came home and made broccoli, quinoa, and carribean jerk chicken for dinner. I felt so healthy and domestic. And it was tasty- just in case you were wondering.
Then I finished my bag of mint M&Ms :) so much for healthy. Just in case you want to send me small "thinking of you" presents, this is an excellent idea. Glory they are good.
Yesterday's patient interview went well I guess. I'm slowing learning aspects of medicine that I don't like. Yesterday let me know I don't like dealing with people who are taking a million meds. I was considering internal medicine; I am now considering it less.
What else: running in a 5k for breast cancer research on Saturday
I would love a break. That's all. Gonna go read.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Scene Safety and Real Patients
I have decided to temporarily convert the purpose of blogging from "inspirational" thoughts to "here is what is going on" because I know I am having issues staying in contact with people while trying to do med school. So my hope is that I can keep the people who love me up to date with what's going on in my life.
So here we go.
Medical school started July 30. The first 6 weeks we were trained as EMT's. A course that usually takes several months was slammed into 6 weeks. This was TIRING. But I think it gave my class some really excellent memories together. I believe this season of our education gave us an incredibly unique perspective. We were able to be in the homes of our patients- be with them on their turf. I feel so much like a part of this community and part of the health care team. Sure, we are medical students. We have years until we get to be doctors. But we are already giving a service to our community. It is a humbling experience- being entrusted with any part of a patient's health care. I love my medical school. So after lots of reading, lots of critical fails, lots of awkward moments, lots of ride time, and a couple of tests, I am now an EMT. We will ride 1 12hr shift every month throughout the first 2 years of medical school.
We are now in our 3rd week of "normal" med school. I feel certain this is not normal. haha. Our school is implementing some serious curriculum changes compared to traditional medical school curricula. This is a time of transition for all of us as we figure out exactly what "student-centered learning" means and figure out how to read 22 chapters of biochemistry in a week. WHAT?!
My med school is not all about books and lectures. We are about patients and learning how to be great doctors- not book worms. We have had interactions with parents of Down syndrome kids and breast cancer survivors. We have had to deliver bad news to patients and gather all sorts of patient information. Multiple times every week we are reminded that we are here for people- not for grades, not for prestige, not for money.
I don't want to be anywhere other than where I am right now.
Today I will have my first experience with a "real patient" as a "doctor". I am going to the medicine clinic to gather a full patient history and complete an interview. It's a little nerve-wracking, but I'm pretty sure I have the most supportive preceptor ever. I'll let you know how it goes.
The passion on this campus is contagious. Our faculty are awesome. This season of life is HARD. But it is an honor not just to be in medical school but to be in THIS medical school. I strive to remember this when I'm crying over my biochemistry book that seems to be written in a different language :)
So here we go.
Medical school started July 30. The first 6 weeks we were trained as EMT's. A course that usually takes several months was slammed into 6 weeks. This was TIRING. But I think it gave my class some really excellent memories together. I believe this season of our education gave us an incredibly unique perspective. We were able to be in the homes of our patients- be with them on their turf. I feel so much like a part of this community and part of the health care team. Sure, we are medical students. We have years until we get to be doctors. But we are already giving a service to our community. It is a humbling experience- being entrusted with any part of a patient's health care. I love my medical school. So after lots of reading, lots of critical fails, lots of awkward moments, lots of ride time, and a couple of tests, I am now an EMT. We will ride 1 12hr shift every month throughout the first 2 years of medical school.
We are now in our 3rd week of "normal" med school. I feel certain this is not normal. haha. Our school is implementing some serious curriculum changes compared to traditional medical school curricula. This is a time of transition for all of us as we figure out exactly what "student-centered learning" means and figure out how to read 22 chapters of biochemistry in a week. WHAT?!
My med school is not all about books and lectures. We are about patients and learning how to be great doctors- not book worms. We have had interactions with parents of Down syndrome kids and breast cancer survivors. We have had to deliver bad news to patients and gather all sorts of patient information. Multiple times every week we are reminded that we are here for people- not for grades, not for prestige, not for money.
I don't want to be anywhere other than where I am right now.
Today I will have my first experience with a "real patient" as a "doctor". I am going to the medicine clinic to gather a full patient history and complete an interview. It's a little nerve-wracking, but I'm pretty sure I have the most supportive preceptor ever. I'll let you know how it goes.
The passion on this campus is contagious. Our faculty are awesome. This season of life is HARD. But it is an honor not just to be in medical school but to be in THIS medical school. I strive to remember this when I'm crying over my biochemistry book that seems to be written in a different language :)
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