I have not written in a while- for two reason, I believe. One- I have no time. Two- I have not had a lot of positive things to say. I try very hard to portray myself as optimistic on here because I do not want to shed negative light on my school in any way and because I know I am very blessed to be here.
I do not want to come across as ungrateful brat. I am so thankful to be here, and I know God led me here. But I have never felt more defeated and incapable than I do in medical school. I cannot pass a quiz regardless of how much I study. I don't know how to make this information stay in my brain. I don't know that I have ever felt more discouraged in my education. I realize that this is medical school and I should have expected this. That does absolutely nothing for how hopeless I feel some days. I have no idea what to do differently.
At church today we had an incredible sermon on submitting your emotions to what Jesus days about us. It is so difficult to hear what Jesus says about med school when you are failing everything. In the meantime, what am I to do with these emotions? Submission seems like a spiritual version of ignoring emotions, and that doesn't usually end well.
I apologize for the negativity. I need prayer. for perseverence. for energy. for focus. for memory. for guidance in studying.
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